“You’re my Fairy Godmother?” Evan questioned. He scrunched up his nose at the man standing in front of him and brushing handfuls of stardust off his clothes.
“Father, kid. Godfather. And yeah, I’m him.” The man plugged one of his nostrils and blew a wad of sparlkling snot from his nose, and then did the same on the other side. Evan made a disgusted face and stepped back acouple steps. “I’m here to help you, Ethan.”
“It’s Evan, actually.”
“That’s what I said, innit?”
“No, you - Nevermind,” Evan sidestepped the mess on the cobblestones and walked to the bench his father made for his mother before she died. He sat down and rested his left foot on his lap to examine how messed up the bottom of his shoe really was. “It’ll take forever to fix this,” Evan muttered as he tugged back the sole and threw it to the ground.
“That’s why I’m here, kid,” the man said, sitting down next to Evan. “Gotta get you ready to get laid.”
“Hey,” Evan deflected. “What did you say you name was?”
“I didn’t, but it’s Jericho. So what do’ya say. Should we get started?”
“Yeah, listen, about that,” Evan stood and started to walk backwards. “See, I’ve got a ton of chores to do and like only four hours until my sisters get home. And, uh, I’d rather not get whipped tonight. So how about we call it a night and —” Evan’s back hit something hard and he whirled around, coming face to chest with Jericho. “What the?’
“Look, kid, I have much better things to do than get you ready for some stupid ball so you can meet some pretty boy with a hero complex. But I’ve got my orders,” Jericho lifted his wrists to reveal tattoos written in a language Evan couldn’t read. “So you can either cooperate and made things easy of you can pout while I forcibly dress you. I don’t care either way.”
Evan stared up at Jericho for a moment, trying to see if his Godfather was lying or joking. But Jericho just stared back and set his jaw.
“Okay, okay,” Evan gave in. “What do we do first?”
Jericho smiled then, and Evan had half the mind to tell him to stop and never do it again. It was creepy.
“First, we pick a suit for you and then get you a ride and then send you on your merry way.”
Evan groaned, but Jericho ignored him and went to work.
It wasn’t as bad as Evan thought it would be and in no time Evan was dressed in a pristine charcoal grey suit, complete with a hat and polished shoes. It was incredible.
“There is no way I could ever afford this,” Evan said out loud.
Jericho gave him a look. “It’s magic, kid. Not actually for sale.”
“No, I - nevermind.”
“Now to find you something to ride in,” Jericho said. He looked around the Evan’s father’s garden put his hands on his hips. “You got a choice between a sad looking pumpkin or that zucchini over there.”
Evan looked at the vegetables and shook his head. “Can I pick neither?”
“It’s either them or I give you wings. But let me tell you, they’re incredibly painful when they revert back to bone.”
Evan imagined himself with wings, big and white like the angel his father always called his mother. It was a beautiful picture, but Evan had a low tolerance for pain.
“The pumpkin, works, I guess,” Evan finally decided.
“Good choice,” Jericho told him. “It’d probably be best not to show up at the ball in a giant shiny penis.”
Jericho ignored Evan and flicked his wrists, shooting the pumpkin with streams of magic until it grew ten times it’s size and turned into a carriage more beautiful than any thing the King had.
“Well that’s it then,” Jericho said, clapping his hands together and making magic cloud off his hands like the dust from the rugs that Evan had to clean every other day. “Time to get you off.”
Jericho narrowed his eyes. “What else do you want?”
“Nothing, I just… nevermind.” Evan shook his head and climbed into the carriage.
“Oh, wait,” Jericho called out. “I forgot something!”
Evan peaked his head out of the window and smacked his head against Jericho’s. “Oww!” he cried, rubbing his forehead where they collided.
“I forgot to tell you that the magic ends at eleven.”
“In the morning?”
“What?! But that’s an hour before the ball actually ends!”
“Yeah, I know,” Jericho hopped down and tapped the side of the carriage to get it going. “Good luck!”
Then he was gone before Evan had a chance to say anything. And Evan decided, as he sat back and crossed his arms, that if he ever saw Jericho again, he’d kill him. In cold blood.